This morning I took the dog for a walk. So far so dull you might be thinking. And whilst I’d like to tell you that while tramping through the first of the fallen leaves I was set upon by a gang of talking squirrels, I wasn’t. I’d be most excited to let you know that I fell through a crack in a tree, reappearing in an alternate reality where humans are ruled by the sticky iron fist of self-aware chocolate custard creatures. That didn’t happen either I’m afraid. Sorry. I did see a cloud that looked like a dragon.

Actually I didn’t…I just thought I’d try and spice things up a bit. Sorry again.

What I did do was start listening to a new podcast, ‘Giles Coren Has No Idea’ (which by the by is pretty funny). But the thing that struck me the most about it was the advert for a certain UK airline affiliated credit card that was repeatedly blared into my ears at every possible opportunity. First of all, what is an airline doing selling credit cards? Shouldn’t they be more concerned with actually flying planes or something? What am I missing?

Perhaps it’s a diversification policy? As the ice caps melt and a growing tide of angry consumers turn on the CO2 chugging airlines’ industry, perhaps they are turning to the banking market instead to turn a profit? After all, everyone loves the money men, right?

But putting the absurdity of that aside, what really annoyed me about it was the special offer they were hawking. 

The advert proudly declared that just by spending £10,000 a year you could claim a two for one companion voucher, meaning that your next romantic getaway was ‘not far away’. Apparently you could also receive 1.5 Avios for every £1 spent.

Now I’m ashamed to say that I do not know what an ‘Avios’ is. Is it perhaps some sort of yoghurt? ‘New super creamy Avios! 0% sugar, 0% fat and now in new kumquat and elderberry flavour!’. 

Probably not. It would be too messy giving out 0.5 of a yoghurt.

I suspect that the reason I have never come across an Avios before is because I am simply not wealthy enough. A quick google confirms this. 

Which brings me on to my main point. The advert speaks of spending £10,000 a year as if it is something you might do on a whim. Ten thousand pounds. That’s around two-thirds of what someone in the UK on minimum wage takes home in an entire year. So never mind that you can no longer afford to pay the rent or indeed switch on the heating, because now you can both fly to Magaluf for half the price!

I suspect, as I reach down, doggy doo bag in hand, and scoop up the fresh offering that my dog has left on the woodland floor, that I am not the target audience for this advert. The target audience for this advert will most likely have someone to do unpleasant tasks like this for them.

Perhaps I only have myself to blame. What did I expect when I picked a Times columnist’s podcast to listen to? Obviously the great ad exec in the sky has decreed that those with money will read the Times, and that those without had damn well better take whatever bilge Katy Hopkins is spouting in the Sun today and like it!

Having worked my self up into what my wife affectionately (I hope) calls ‘one of my little grumps’ I return home, my morning once again sullied by the stupidity of the world.

I am probably overreacting. I’m told I usually am. To get my mind off it I start to plan what to have for lunch. Something involving kale and quinoa perhaps?

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